This content is based on the TypeCoach Influence Program, our signature workshop that we have delivered to hundreds of thousands of people around the world. In that program, we teach people how to identify the personality type, temperament, and communication styles of OTHERS based on observable clues – and what to do with that information. To learn more about this program, click here.
When it comes to influence, there’s one fundamental truth: HOW you communicate is just as important as WHAT you communicate. And one of the most critical factors shaping your communication style – and your ability to influence – is whether you’re dealing with an Extravert or an Introvert.
This isn’t just about who’s the life of the party and who prefers a quiet night in. The Extravert-Introvert dynamic runs much deeper, influencing how people process information, share ideas, and engage in conversations. If you want to maximize your influence, you need to understand these differences and adapt your approach accordingly.
Extraverts and Introverts: A Quick Primer
Let’s start with the basics. Extraverts and Introverts aren’t opposites—they’re simply wired differently.
- Extraverts: Higher-energy, talkative, and expressive. They process their thoughts out loud, often thinking as they speak. You’ll notice quick responses, animated gestures, and a tendency to dominate conversations.
- Introverts: Calm, centered, and reflective. They process their thoughts internally, preferring to think things through before speaking. You’ll notice pauses, measured responses, and a more reserved demeanor.
Here’s the kicker: these differences aren’t just behavioral – they’re neurological. Brain scans show that for Extraverts, the act of thinking and the act of talking occur almost simultaneously. For Introverts, there’s an additional two-step process in the brain – an “editing function” that slows down their response time but results in more fully-formed thoughts coming out when they speak.
The Influence Challenge: Misinterpreting Silence
One of the most common dynamics I see is the Extravert-Introvert misunderstanding around silence. Extraverts often interpret silence as a lack of understanding or an impending disagreement. Their solution? More talking.
Meanwhile, the Introvert is simply pausing to process and reflect. They’re not disengaged—they’re editing. But because they’re less likely to interrupt or fight for the floor, the conversation can quickly turn into a monologue, leaving the Introvert’s best ideas unheard.
This dynamic isn’t just frustrating—it’s costly. Introverts make up roughly 50% of the population, and their best thinking often emerges two to forty-eight hours after a topic is introduced. If you’re not creating space for their input, you’re missing out on half of the room’s potential.
Strategies for Influencing Extraverts
When working with Extraverts, your goal is to match their energy and keep the conversation dynamic. Here’s how:
- Let Them Talk: Extraverts need to verbalize their thoughts to make them real. Give them the space to do so, even if it feels repetitive.
- Keep It Lively: Match their pace and energy. If you’re an Introvert, consider having an extra cup of coffee before a big meeting to keep up.
- Respond Quickly: Extraverts thrive on real-time feedback. Even a simple “That’s a great question—let me think about it” can prevent them from steamrolling the conversation.
- Engage in Dialogue: Extraverts love a back-and-forth exchange. Ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation flowing and show that you’re actively engaged.
Strategies for Influencing Introverts
When working with Introverts, your goal is to create a safe, reflective space where their ideas can emerge. Here’s how:
- Plant the Seed: Introduce topics or questions ahead of time—ideally 48 hours in advance. This gives Introverts the time they need to process and prepare.
- Slow the Pace: Dial down the energy and allow for pauses. Resist the urge to fill the silence—it’s where the magic happens.
- Signal Patience: If you’re waiting for a response, show that you’re comfortable with the pause. A simple nod or “Take your time” can go a long way.
- Follow Up: If an Introvert doesn’t share their thoughts in the moment, invite them to follow up later. Their best ideas often emerge after the meeting is over.
Bridging the Gap: The Two-to-Forty-Eight Hour Rule
One of the most powerful tools for bridging the Extravert-Introvert gap is what I call the 2-48 Hour Rule. For Introverts, the best ideas often emerge hours – or even days – after a discussion.
If you’re leading a meeting, make it a habit to say, “If you have additional thoughts after the session, let me know.” This simple gesture not only validates the Introvert’s process, but also ensures that their best ideas make it to the table.
For Extraverts, the challenge is to slow down and create space for others. If you’re an Extravert, practice waiting a full ten seconds after asking a question before jumping back in. It’s not easy—I’ve done it myself, and let me tell you, those ten seconds can feel like an eternity. But the rewards are worth it. Read another post about this concept HERE.
Real-World Examples: Influence in Action
During one of our Influence workshops, a participant shared a story about a highly Introverted team member who rarely contributed in meetings. Frustrated, the team leader assumed they were disengaged. After learning about the 2-48 Hour Rule, the leader started sending out agendas in advance and explicitly inviting follow-up ideas after meetings. The result? The introverted team member began sharing thoughtful, game-changing insights that transformed the team’s approach.
Another participant, an Extravert, shared how they learned to manage their own tendency to dominate conversations. By consciously pausing and inviting others to speak, they created a more balanced dialogue – and discovered that their Introverted colleagues had been holding back some of the most valuable ideas.
The Payoff: Better Ideas, Stronger Relationships
When you adapt your communication style to the Extravert-Introvert dynamic, the benefits are profound. You’ll not only unlock better ideas but also build stronger, more collaborative relationships.
For Extraverts, this means learning to embrace silence and create space for others. For Introverts, it means finding ways to signal your engagement and share your ideas more proactively.
Ultimately, influence isn’t about changing who you are – it’s about understanding who you’re working with and meeting them where they are. And when you do that, you’ll find that your ability to influence – and be influenced – reaches a whole new level.
So, whether you’re an Extravert or an Introvert, take a moment to reflect: How can you adjust your approach to better connect with the other half of the population? The answer might just be the key to unlocking your full potential as a communicator.
