Stressed Out at Work
Annual reviews at a big law firm are stressful for a good reason. Junior to mid-level associates feel tremendous pressure to prove they belong. Those looking to make partner have an even tougher experience.
Steven was not immune to the intensity. His stomach was the first to express concern, tightening up by instinct a few hours before receiving the email scheduling his review.
And now, as he walked to the elevator bank that would take him to the conference room on the 33rd floor, his heart was getting in on the fun, offering a bit of adrenaline into the mix and even skipping the occasional beat.
He’d gone down the list of potential reviewers and felt like he had a pretty good sense of what each of them would say. Alan, of course, would say what Alan always did… but since he panned pretty much everyone he reviewed, that shouldn’t be too big a factor. The bigger wildcards were two senior partners who had historically been much more difficult to read and anticipate. He knew he’d done good work for them and that those projects had worked out well for the client. However, the firm was in a more tenuous financial place this year versus prior years. And he was now reaching a level of seniority where the scrutiny went up noticeably.
The Review
The elevator *dinged* and he stepped out onto the 33rd floor and headed to the conference room. He was right on time; his colleague Alicia was just exiting the board room he would be going into.
Alicia: Hey, well, good luck with that.
Steven: At least you’re done?
Alicia: Martin is in a good mood at least for Martin, but Arnold is worse than usual.
Steven: OK, thanks for the heads up. Is everyone meeting up tonight across the street for a debrief beverage?
Alicia (winking): I might head over there now.
Steven: Copy that. See you later.
He pushed through the glass door and sat before the three senior partners delivering his review.
Please Look More Stressed Out
Overall, the review went better than expected. There were a few good suggestions on managing client expectations since he was now in direct communication with decision makers. As expected, Alan got his shots in, but the partners sort of shrugged since everyone knew what was going on there. In fact, there was only one thing that stood out from the conversation that had Steven scratching his head.
Martin: So, to summarize… you’re well-respected around the office. You do high-quality work, and you earn very high marks for responsiveness and being willing to take on new challenges. Several people also mentioned that you seem unflappable and handle very intense situations and even dramatic changes to plans well. In fact, there has been some talk about putting you on some of the more “chaotic” projects our earlier-stage clients bring. The firm sees you as a potential fit since you handle “going with the flow” better than some of your colleagues.
Arnold: Now that Martin’s done making you feel all warm and fuzzy, there is one major issue we need to address in your performance. Everyone agrees this is a problem. As much as we can roll our eyes at Alan, he says it best…and I quote:
Steven does not show sufficient urgency around important deadlines.
Hmmm. That sounded like something Alan would say. But that everyone else had said the same thing was a pretty big surprise.
Steven: OK, so can I try to understand this a bit? Other than this, I got pretty much only good feedback which would not be the case if I had <missed> any important deadlines. So, it’s not an issue of being organized and following through on things?
Arnold: Correct.
Steven: So, if I am hearing this right, the feedback is that people need me to look more stressed out when there is an important deadline?
Arnold: Yes, exactly. If you could look more stressed out, that would be great.
Misinterpreting a Calm Demeanor
This phenomenon is happening right now in professional contexts all over the world. As you see with Steven, it’s easy for certain personality types to pick up this sort of feedback even amid an overall positive conversation. That’s not what you’re hoping for after working your butt off for 70-100 hours a week. As a Perceiver, there is a natural tendency towards maintaining an outward and calm demeanor during intense moments. In fact, most Perceivers pride themselves on not losing their cool when things are falling apart all around them. We even hear this referenced as a notable strength in Steven’s review, and an opportunity for him to end up with some of the more interesting and challenging work at the firm.
The problem is, being too calm and collected sends the wrong message to Judger colleagues who see a relaxed style as a signal that the other person doesn’t understand the situation and isn’t going to take care of it in a timely fashion.
My sister and I have worked on hundreds of cartoons/illustrations together and this is the only one where she decided to draw me in to the scene (adding glasses as disguise).
Anticipate to Better Collaborate
When a Perceiver is too cool, calm, and collected, it sends a message to their Judger colleagues (or friends and family) that the Perceiver doesn’t understand the urgency of the situation. Since most Judgers can’t help but to show their urgency when they are feeling it, it’s a natural thing for them to become concerned when someone else isn’t looking stressed out.
This in turn AMPS UP their urgency!
That last part is bad news for Perceivers because it means Judgers won’t just mention this in their review — they’ll stand behind your desk, making sure you’re doing what needs to be done. In other words, a style that is too low-key and brings you <more> attention and concern from your Judgers, which is probably the last thing you’re looking for at that moment.
So, the recommendation is to think of ways you can convey to those Judgers around you that you DO get the urgency and ARE going to act in a timely fashion… otherwise they’re going to be up in your grill. Pro tip: anticipate their request for updates and give them news before they even ask for it. It’s a great way to show that you are all over the situation and taking it with the appropriate level of focus and intensity… without having to look stressed out.
3 Comments
It’s so helpful to us Judgers when you say “I’m on it!” “It will get done by _!” and you put a bit of energy into the response to give confidence ;).
As a perceiver I’m careful to make sure that my colleagues who have a judging preference know that I’ve heard them and that I will deliver the project/answer etc by a certain time. I also give them permission to chase me to make sure as I know that a particular colleague will want to do just that to ensure I’m on it.
When my Perceiver son was in the military, he had a commander who refused to send him to the promotion board. He said my son was too laid back and didn’t appear to really want the promotion.